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Just Being Faithful Doesn’t Make You a Good Catch

Listen, unless you are purposely trying to sabotage the life of another person we all want to be the best partner that we can in a relationship. Part of being a great partner is for our own personal growth. Being a great person for another will unlock traits in them that will in return unlock some of your best, untapped attributes. We also want to be the perfect partner to help the relationship thrive to its fullest potential. Right now, in your head go over what you believe are the top 5 qualities that make a person a perfect mate. Go on….

Was being faithful up there? How high was it on the list? The reason for this blog post was because I recently ran across a meme that read “Some of y’all think you’ll make good partners because you won’t cheat but don’t realize you’re inconsiderate, unappreciative, manipulative, insecure, lack empathy, have poor communication skills, harboring emotional trauma from your past, and bad at sex.” Did you have to clutch your pearls like I just did mine? WHEW! Talk about conviction. Personally, I put so much emphasis on being a great woman because I don’t cheat. I never have. I have always been the type of person who is too emotionally invested when I am involved to give myself to another person but because I also know the hurt and self-doubt it causes. Why would I want to inflict that pain on someone? But does this make me a great partner? It doesn’t. I have a myriad of issues and at one time or another been guilty of having all of the aforementioned traits with the exception of bad sex because…let’s be honest….I’m confident that a romp with me is pretty darn enjoyable.

People who are genuinely faithful wear that shit like it’s a badge of honor (hell, I know I do), although admirable, bringing faithfulness to the table does not mean that they are not weighing down the table with other bad qualities. Whether the attributes are a result of past toxic relationships or things that are innate they need to be checked at the door. Frequent emotional inventory is crucial to the success of a relationship. I have so many insecurities as a result of my past that I could be the poster child for Issa Rae’s show. Many relationships are not void of insecurities from either one partner or both. The problem lies wherein those insecurities dictate how you move in your relationship. I know that sometimes I neglect to say thank you because I assume a certain act is “what my man is supposed to do” or I simply just forget. There have been instances when I held something back because I was afraid that it would cause an argument not knowing that this was starting a vicious trend of poor communication. I’ve also manipulated certain situations in order to get what I wanted out of my S/O. And even though I’m confident I don’t have bad sex I am guilty of being a “Pillow Princess” when I get lazy. These things can be nocuous to the growth of a relationship and they create an environment where both parties feel like they might be better off without a person they once saw as their better half.

Adversely, a person who cheats but does not possess any other negative quality is not God’s gift to relationships. “Yeah, I sleep with other people from time to time but other than that I’m amazing.” WOMP! Cheating is detrimental if you and your partner have agreed to a mutually exclusive, monogamous relationship. It can bring about insecurities, decreased self-esteem, and emotional trauma. Just because you don’t come with a lot of additional baggage doesn’t mean that your infidelity isn’t weighing the table down the same way. Trust is huge and a lack of it can break the whole damn table. 

-ATL

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